When you think of your child’s growth and development, do you think about all the “firsts?” Celebrating first steps and first days of school and first wobbly bike rides is natural. As we look forward to the next new thing, it can be easy to overlook some of the sweetest parenting milestones - the “lasts.” The daily routines can feel endless, so we don’t always notice the incremental changes happening until they’re behind us. When they’ve outgrown the favorite outfit, or become less insistent on having that particular cup, or don’t need our help to go to the bathroom, we may not have realized it was the last time they wore it or used it or needed help with that.
We all want to see our children becoming independent, and we may crave a time when they are a little less dependent on us. While this stage of parenting can feel relentless at times, this is a reminder that all of these moments that make up these early days are finite. The older your child gets, the faster they seem to go. They won’t always be this age. They won’t always do that endearing or exasperating or funny thing they do now. Take note of the mispronunciations, the way they like you to fix their food just so, the stories they like you to read over and over.
If we could stop to notice how few of these moments there are in the scheme of things, in the scope of our child’s life, or in our own life, we might appreciate them more. We may learn to look out for them as they pass. Shifting our thinking can help us deal with even the difficult moments. Especially the difficult moments! Instead of wishing them away, what if we tried just being in the moment, knowing it will pass. Knowing it was finite. Knowing that these days will be behind us before we know it.
If we knew it was the very last time we would walk the floors shushing a baby to sleep, wouldn’t we want to savor it a little? Wouldn’t we pause in the moment to breathe in the smell of our sleepy baby, to feel the weight of their finally slumbering body against our chest, to note the stillness of the night? If we could recognize that our child would never again do something, would we appreciate it more? Would we stop and savor the last time our child reached for our hand, or sat in our lap, or whispered a tickly secret into our ear?
Whether you notice it or not, one day those moments will end. It’s only in looking back that we see how fleeting childhood is, and how quickly our kids grow from completely dependent beings to increasingly capable people in their own right. One day, when you’re parenting teenagers and sending them out further and further into the world, you probably won’t remember the last time they needed you to zip their coat or hold their hand to cross the street. Most of these times will slip away unnoticed. If you stay on the lookout for them, though, you may get the chance to savor a few “lasts” before they’re gone.