It has been exciting to see children coming to know school and settling into classroom routines. We’re noticing children go right to the sink for handwashing as they enter and anticipate the parts of the school day. Lots of children ask things like “we go to the gym?” or “snack now?” In addition, many are coming to know where things live. They know where the dollhouse is, where smocks are hung, and which shelf holds the puzzles. Your support during these first days of school, as children adjust to this new space and the challenges of group life, has been instrumental in creating this level of understanding and comfort. Research shows that children enter new spaces more easily with a trusted adult, which is one of the reasons we ask you to accompany them during these first weeks of school.
As children become more comfortable at school and with teachers, we’re starting to send parents out of the classroom, little by little. Though we’re excited to get going with our regular school routine, we also understand how important it is to honor this separation period.
Separation is an ongoing developmental issue. Each time a child separates from their parents or familiar setting, they draw on their own developing inner resources. But how do those resources develop? Initially, young children rely on their caregivers to help them regulate their emotions and meet their needs. As they enter the nursery school setting, they must begin to transfer the trust they have for their parents to teachers. It can take time to develop a trusting relationship with teachers. Having a familiar adult along can give children the security to begin to make a connection with teachers. Children also need reassurance that adults will return. Practicing some comings and goings helps children understand that adults will come back and that they can be trusted to do what they say they will. As difficult as goodbyes can be, our goal is not to protect children from their sadness. Instead, we seek to support each child in acknowledging and expressing their emotions around saying goodbye. This is a serious emotional challenge. These early experiences with separation set the stage for every subsequent goodbye, whether it be spending the night at grandma’s house or leaving for college. As children develop and practice coping skills by separating from their trusted adults, they build self-confidence and a sense of security.
Here are a few ideas for you to try at home in order to support the separation process at school:
Try acting out saying goodbye to a parent at school with toys. You might start by saying that a toy is going to school and will be saying goodbye to their mom. Voice what each character is saying and feeling as you play out this scene. Invite your child to contribute as you play. Perhaps your child could help the toy figure out what to play after Mom leaves or when Dad will return. Some children enjoy playing the parent role in these scenarios. Others may just watch and not participate at all.
You might also have a conversation with your child’s teddy bear or other toy, in which you voice the toy’s feelings around saying goodbye, affirm the feelings, ask them what helped them feel better. Help the toy know they could ask a teacher for help.
Act out parts of the school day.
Review the school schedule at home.
Develop a ritual around saying goodbye (for example, draw a picture together first, ask your child if they want one or two hugs first, give them something of yours to hold)
If you have not yet sent us a family photo, headshot of your child or an extra change of clothes, please do so ASAP.
It has been a real pleasure getting to know you and your children and we are thrilled to share these beginnings with you!