Recently a child pulled a doll out of a classmate’s hands. When the child with the doll cried out and yanked it back, the first child turned to a teacher and said, “He’s not sharing!” Did she really expect a teacher to give her back the doll? What is her understanding of what “sharing” means? It’s a multilayered concept, and one that requires a lot of thought and practice.
Without some adult guidance and support, conflicts like this can devolve into tears and physical altercations. Young children are naturally egocentric. They’re just beginning to understand their own wants and needs, and in school they begin to see that other people have desires, too. Teachers at Park West see these encounters as an opportunity to practice language, share points of view and work to settle disputes. Managing conflicts like this can provide rich opportunities for growth, and the classroom offers children lots of practice dealing with conflicts.
To provide some tools for kids to draw on in these circumstances, we help children ask for a turn, help tell someone they are still using a toy, and that they can have a turn when they’re finished. With the youngest kids, teachers may need to prompt kids or say the words for them. We often have to hold the toy while we talk things over. We support the child who asked, and try to help them find something else to do while they wait. We remind the child with the toy to pass it on to them when they’re finished, and follow through consistently. Once kids trust that they really will get a turn, waiting is easier. If it’s taking a long time for their turn, we help them express that.
Offering children some concrete ways to handle sharing materials allows them to relax and follow their ideas. Children learn that there is a way to have a turn, and that they don’t need to grab or hoard toys. Although young children can be impulsive and find it hard to use their words in the heat of the moment, children can learn to talk to each other when supported by the adults around them. Helping children communicate about taking turns is one of the first steps towards learning to share.
Help your child learn and use phrases like these:
Can I have a turn?
Will you give it to me when you’re done?
Can I have it next?
I’m using it now.
Wait until I’m finished.
I’ll give it to you next.